Venetian waterbus – vaporetto

No gondolier, no “One Cornetto”

You rock and sway, you bump and grind

While I just sit on my behind

No love and peace, no peace and love

Your passengers, they push and shove

They push and shove, they never queue

Not like back home, I’m telling you

Italian, French, the continentals

When you arrive, they all go mental

It’s not a race, it’s no Grand Prix

Just one false move and I’m in the sea

Those disembarking get off-board

To face a Gucci-wearing horde

Rich ladies dressed in furs and slap

Don’t care if I fall through the gap

They hold their little dogs like babies

(I hope they all go down with rabies)

Young lovers clad in shades and Prada

Make getting on just so much harder

No etiquette, no bloody manners

No one complains to the transport planners

There’s no solution, cure or answer

Their arrogance is like a cancer

No subtlety, no being discreet

I’ll just be trampled underfeet

The mob exudes an air of malice

As they make their way to the Doge’s Palace

So please beware, yes please take heed

Of the vaporetto’s mass stampede

If I fall foul of this thronging menace

I’ll just be one more ….. death in Venice